The Falcons? 6 Wins?? Really???

I think the Falcons will win 6 games. Forget about the journalistic strategy of building suspense throughout the article, and climaxing toward the end. I’m putting it out front.

Why, you say, will the Falcons win 6 games? I’ll tell you. The team is not that bad. These guys looked bad last year because they were playing for a gigantic dickhead. Some of the stories that have come out of the locker room in the aftermath of the Bobby Petrino debacle make one wonder how the team didn’t cut his (undoubtedly tiny) penis off and shove it down his throat. Oh, and they were a walking Inside Edition episode, thanks to Mike Vick’s dumb ass. So yeah, they looked bad last year. But this year, it’s a whole different story.

The Falcons like their coach this year. The Falcons don’t have PETA picketing in front of their headquarters this year. The Falcons don’t have Joey Harrington starting this year (some may say Ryan isn’t much better, but he’s better). Yeah–this year, it’s a whole different story.
And you may not have noticed, but the bumbling Falcons have actually had some decent drafts the last few years. Just this year, they drafted guys to fill all kinds of holes at QB, Offensive Line, and throughout the Defense. Maybe the new regime knows what the hell they’re doing.

But anyway, back to my crazy prediction: the Falcons aren’t that bad. Everyone just thinks they are because they’re using 2007 as a frame of reference. I would argue that is not an accurate body of work to base a 2008 prediction on.

I could sit here and go through the schedule to decide which games the Falcons will win, but that’s impossible. We have no idea how teams are going to perform this year. Sure, the Patriots will probably be good. And so will the Cowboys. But beyond that, who knows? Larry Johnson was everyone’s #1 pick in fantasy drafts, and then he proceeded to take an actual shit on the football field all year long. No one picked Green Bay to do anything, and they made it to the NFC Championship (and almost the Super Bowl). There is almost no bigger crapshoot in sports than the NFL.

So, that’s my prediction. Some people may not even say it’s that crazy of a prediction. Other people may say that I’m an idiot. Actually, many people probably say that, and not just because of this. But either way, I think the Falcons will win 6 games. I don’t think Matt Ryan is going to make the Pro Bowl, but I think he will in the next few years. I don’t think Michael Turner is going to win the league MVP, but he’ll rush for 1,000 yards. I don’t think Roddy White will have quite as good of a season this year as he did last year, but I think he won’t have to because he has more talent around him now in his fellow receivers.

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8 Comments

Filed under General Atlanta Sports

8 responses to “The Falcons? 6 Wins?? Really???

  1. Coach Petrino

    I’ll take the under on your prediction, just for good measure.

  2. Thanks for reading, Coach. Sorry for your tiny penis.

  3. Jeff

    I was wondering when you’d come back and make a Falcons post or maybe an Obituary for the ’08 Braves.

    I’m with you. It shocks me to see everyone in the world calling for us to finish between 0-16 and 2-14. I went through the schedule last week and 5 or 6 wins wouldn’t surprise me at all.

    Good points all around. They’re playing for a coach that doesn’t treat them like 19 year olds, all the problem children are gone, that horrid zone blocking scheme is out the window, and maybe most important in the long run, Dimitroff is calling the shots instead of that moron McKay!

    The only thing we differ on is that I think Roddy turned the corner last year and will be even better this year. With a greatly improved running game, better o-line protecting the QB, and the same QB throwing to him every week he should be solid.

    Oh and were you as glad as I was to see Finneran back and productive and making the team? Someone with enough balls to go over the middle should be a nice addition to the offense! Let’s just hope he can stay healthy…

  4. Jeff

    Well you’re almost 1/4 of the way to your Turner 1,000 yards prediction 😉 Thought we looked good yesterday, but it’s the Lions so I’m really trying to not get my hopes up too much!

  5. ESP – with the “assets” you have, what do you expect?

    Jeff – I can’t write about the Braves. It’s just too depressing. The team that’s out there now truly reminds me of the pre-’91 teams. Just hopeless. The only thing you could put any hope on was a September call-up (like Brad Komminsk) that inevitably turned out to be nothing. Ugh.

    As for the Falcons, regardless of what I wrote, they still surprised me. I didn’t expect them to be able to move the ball THAT easily. Of course, the Lions looked absolutely horrific. But still–I was pleased, to say the least.

    As for the rest of the season, I don’t think they’ll look as good as they looked yesterday, but I think they’ll look better than most predicted. I was a little disappointed with the defense at times, but they need a little time to jell, especially with a new middle linebacker.

    I’m just glad I have season tickets and get to watch this unfold in person!

  6. The Beard

    You are so money!

  7. your prediction is turning out to be spot on. Matt Ryan for ROY.

  8. Jeff

    We’re almost there… You think we can come up with one more W somewhere along the way? 😉 BTW, told ya Roddy would be a solid receiver this year!

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